Pegging (sexual practice)

• 1. Introduction

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  Pegging got its name from a reader contest. In 2001, the sex advice columnist Dan Savage invited readers of his "Savage Love" column to coin a word, and the winning entry was "pegging". The word describes an act in which a woman penetrates a man's anus with a strap-on dildo. The practice is older than its label. Since the 2000s it has turned up in sex education, in feminist and queer theory and in mainstream media. Writers keep returning to it because it touches gender roles, power, stigma and ideas about what makes a man. So why did the act go unnamed for so long, and what do the people who practice it say it means? Who sees it as a political statement, and who finds that idea absurd? And what does the strong reaction to it reveal about masculinity?

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• 2. A Name Is Chosen

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  A sex education film called Bend Over Boyfriend, released in 1998, is the reason Dan Savage went looking for a word. The film is based on lectures and workshops by Robert Lawrence and Carol Queen. It popularized the act, yet Savage noticed that the act still had no common name and no dictionary entry. The nearest thing was "Strap On Sex", a phrase used by Queen and her partner Robert in their national lecture series. Robert had been the original Bend Over Boyfriend at the Good Vibrations lectures. Savage's own first coinage was "BOBing", taken from the film's title. His readers preferred "pegging", voted it the winner, and the term has since entered the English lexicon.

  Older words did not fit the job. "Buggery" and "sodomy" refer to anal sex in general. "Strap-on sex" is broader still, since it covers vaginal or anal intercourse between people of any gender. Some queer people choose that phrase over pegging because they feel the newer word is too centered on heterosexual and cisgender people.

  The authors Cooper S. Beckett and Lyndzi Miller call the penetrating partner the "pegger" and the receiving partner the "peggee". The terms "top" and "bottom" are also used. Savage says the classic definition, a man penetrated by a woman, has widened to include all genders and sexualities, so long as the act is anal sex with a strap-on.

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• 3. Gear, Roles, and Appeal

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  Silicone is the usual material for the dildo in pegging, and it is typically held in place by a harness. Some couples use a strapless dildo instead, one that also penetrates the person wearing it. Lubricant is part of the practice. Before a first attempt, the receiving partner typically does anal training, often with butt plugs, to build up muscular relaxation gradually.

  According to the queer-feminist author Tristan Taormino, gender and gender roles can matter a great deal here. The man is penetrated by the woman and becomes passive rather than active, which reverses the traditional cisgender heterosexual script. The sex researcher D. J. Williams says that for many people pegging echoes the dominance and submission of BDSM. It is a common kink in that world, and in professional settings it is generally performed by dominatrices. Practitioners of feminization kink may fold it into roleplay to reinforce a feminine sexual role. It also appears in female-led relationships, often shortened to FLR.

  The sex and relationships writer Ian Kerner argues that the appeal is mainly psychological rather than physical. For men, he says, it carries the "psychological thrill" of submitting to the "strength of a woman". He adds that pegging is not for everyone. The therapist Joe Kort points out that the penetrating partner may feel some sensation too, through indirect clitoral stimulation as the base of the dildo presses against the pubic mound. People who enjoy the idea of strap-on sex may also enjoy strap-on fellatio.

  Sophie Saint Thomas, writing for Allure, says being pegged by a "pro-domme or dominant partner" lets cishet men "become vulnerable and submissive, which is a common sexual desire". She adds that in a patriarchal society, "submitting to a woman or other person of a marginalized gender gets them off".

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• 4. Feminist Arguments

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  In 1999, the writer Debbie Nathan was criticizing sodomy laws when she pointed to the success of the sex education film. She imagined the "sex police busting in on a PTA mom" and predicted that when that happened, "the rest of the sodomy laws surely will fall."

  The feminist author Jane Ward, surveying queer opinion on "queering straightness", notes a hypothesis that gender-subversive acts like pegging could be "a backdoor route to undermining men's patriarchal authority". The idea is that hetero-masculinity might be redefined as receptive and vulnerable. Jonathan Branfman and Susan Stiritz, writing in the American Journal of Sexuality Education, draw on feminist and queer theory to argue that men's anal receptivity disrupts rigid norms of sex, gender and sexuality, which they regard as "social constructs". Nora Winter and Morgaine Struve take the argument into pornography. They say Robert Jensen, who criticizes porn for eroticizing male domination, overlooks "porn that reverses power dynamics, such as pegging, which can help dismantle patriarchy". Taormino credits the queer community's work in deconstructing gender boundaries for pegging's acceptance.

  Feminists are far from united on strap-ons. Some argue that strap-on sex imitates patriarchal structures and undermines feminist ideals, and that fantasies should match ethical principles. They call feminists who enjoy it hypocritical. Others share the worry but ask whether politics belongs in the bedroom at all, and some reject the claim that strap-on sex is tied to patriarchy.

  The sex columnist Karley Sciortino put the question to female friends who enjoy pegging. She found that they keep politics and sex apart, even when the sex leans toward patriarchy. One friend called it "fun and powerful". Another described it as a "therapeutic tool" for empowerment. Sciortino holds opposing views herself, yet she concludes that if sex is about intimacy and pleasure, perhaps politics should be set aside.

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• 5. Evangelists and Forecasters

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  Tom Ford said in 2016 that "all men should be penetrated at some point." He believes it would help men "understand and appreciate" women, because they would feel the "invasion" of a "vulnerable" and "passive" position. Kate Lister makes a near-identical claim, that "all men should be penetrated at least once". She suggests it could "challenge toxic masculinity and heteronormativity" and ultimately "make the world a better place".

  Taormino calls pegging "revolutionary" and a form of "sexual liberation". She maintains that all straight men "must try it at least once". Erika Lust says "every girl" and "every man" should "get to enjoy" it without "feeling bad". Justin Myers remarks that it can help deconstruct the "male ego". Jessica Drake keeps it brief: "everyone should try it once."

  Other writers treat the enthusiasm as a trend. In 2016, Chauntelle Tibbals noted the "increasing acceptance" of pegging. She called it a logical outcome of "an explosion in public gender awareness, understanding, and willingness to explore boundaries" over the past decade. In 2018, Eric Anderson predicted that pegging would grow more popular. "Despite what the term 'toxic masculinity' implies, men are becoming softer," he said, and he linked that to "decreasing homophobia and homohysteria".

  Justin Lehmiller observed that growing references to pegging in popular culture reflect "a deeper societal change". In his view, the "decoupling of anal sex and homosexuality is, in some ways, a symptom of a broader decline in sexual conservatism." Ally Head of Marie Claire wrote that pegging "can be incredibly freeing" and can "turn sexual stereotypes upside down". In 2019, the Playboy writer Maria Del Russo went furthest. She suggested that men willing to be pegged signal masculinity "healing from its toxicity", a "mark of progress" and "the future that liberals want".

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• 6. Masculinity and Shame

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  Hugo Schwyzer argues that the "fear" of penetration comes from a "deeply misogynistic culture". He suggests pegging can help straight men become "more thoughtful boyfriends" and better feminist allies. Charlie Glickman and Aislinn Emirzian go a step further, contending that "men who get into anal penetration are among the most secure in their masculinity".

  Olivia Cassano of Metro endorses the practice because it inverts the "traditional framework of gender and sexual roles" and can help men "get over insecurities". She criticizes the view that pegging is gay or "unmanly". In her telling, that view comes from a "patriarchal idea of emasculation", an "ew" factor and "internalized homophobia". Georgia Aspinall of Grazia offers a dating test. Asking a man whether he is into pegging, she says, can show whether he is "boyfriend material", because it reveals how "secure he is in his sexuality".

  The psychotherapist Jordan Dixon adds a less cheerful note. Some men feel shame after being pegged, shaped by sex-negativity and gender norms, and the feeling returns once the "highs of oxytocin and dopamine" fade. Nadia Bokody believes pegging could ease the "toxic" and "oppressive restraints" of masculinity. Yet she notes that men with "homophobic" views avoid it, which she reads as a "fragile construct of masculinity" built on "fear of vulnerability and femininity".

  Leeza Mangaldas says pegging remains taboo for cishet men "largely because of society's overarching homophobia and misogyny". She says the shame and disgust come from "unexamined prejudices." Eleanor Hadley points to a different group. Many women hesitate to explore pegging, she says, because of "misogynistic rhetoric" that shames them. The sex therapist Laura Miano says the practice contradicts "hegemonic masculinity" and sexual stereotypes. It can let cisgender women "feel a sense of empowerment", she says, while men may enjoy "relinquishing control".

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• 7. Pegging on Page and Screen

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  Marquis de Sade describes a pegging act in his 1795 book Philosophy in the Bedroom. William S. Burroughs includes one in his 1959 novel Naked Lunch. The dildo in that scene is called Steely Dan III, and it gave the band Steely Dan its name. The 1970 film Myra Breckinridge depicted Myra raping a man with a strap-on dildo. The first explicit pegging scene is believed to be in the 1976 pornographic film The Opening of Misty Beethoven.

  Beckett and Miller, writing in 2022, judge that most popular portrayals of pegging are derogatory or negative. Some even amount to sexual assault. The television show Weeds fits that pattern. In its 2006 episode "Crush Girl Love Panic", pegging appears to be non-consensual and is played as a joke at the expense of the male character.

  Other screen appearances are warmer. In the Broad City episode "Knockoffs", Abbi, played by Abbi Jacobson, asks friends and family for advice about Jeremy's request for pegging. In the 2016 film Deadpool, Wade is pegged by his girlfriend Vanessa, in a scene marking International Women's Day. In François Ozon's 2017 film Double Lover, Chloé pegs Paul. Ozon said the scene "aligns with the feminist film that I advocate for".

  At the Met Gala in 2021, Cara Delevingne wore a vest printed with the slogan "Peg the Patriarchy", and it drew wide media attention. She said the message was about "women empowerment" and "gender equality", and she likened it to telling the patriarchy to "stick it to the man".

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